New Math: Redux

Some cold, hard facts:

• In New York State, unemployment benefits are calculated with a byzantine formula, but top out at about $405 per week.  
• Nearly every school in the Capital Region requires substitute teachers to have a Bachelor's degree, and many require a teaching certificate.
• The average per diem salary for a substitute teacher is $85.
• $85/day x 5 days/week is $425/week, before taxes.
• Sometimes the math really sucks.

Half a Century of Rock'n'Roll

In the past 10 days I've had the incredible pleasure to help two of my closest friends celebrate their half-century mark. Even though I see or talk to both Ian and Amy pretty regularly, it was great to remind them (and be reminded) that they're like family, and these parties were just like family get togethers, only without the fighting and criticism—one of the great things about having family that you're not related to.

I also had the pleasure of reminding them that I wouldn't meet the same fate for more than 15 years.  I like the fact that most of my friends are much older than me.  It makes me feel young and thin and handsome most of the time.

The biggest surprise for me was running into my old bud Mark Norwine at one of these parties, who I haven't seen in a few years. (As a matter of fact, Mark, I think the last time was at Ian's jam, and you and the late Reverend Spanky and I watched the sun go down behind the trees and talked about damned near everything.) Mark is a great guy, and one hell of an electrical engineer and amplifier tech.  He's one of the few people on the internet who keeps the signal-to-noise ratio tolerable and occasionally cuts right through the static.

I can't honestly say that I know him well despite the hours we've spent on the phone in the past while he's helped me dig myself out of the messes I've made of a few vintage amplifiers, but one of the things I know about him is that he's one of the most genuine people I could ever hope to meet.  He might choose to say nothing if he can't say something nice, but he is not going to lie to you.  I'm not sure it's even within his abilities to butter you up, so there was no doubt in my mind that Mark meant it when he said he missed my blog, and nearly begged me to start writing again.

It's good to know that at least one person was paying attention, and sometimes one person is enough to do some powerful stuff.

Thanks, Mark, for reminding me of that.

Exile and Saints

I'm no angel, but you know I'll treat you right
-Otis Clay

My life was in the shitter a year ago, prompting me to take this blog offline abrubptly, as well as nearly all of the rest of my internet presence. I made the mistake of leaving a myspace page up that I'd made specifically to flirt with a girl. As flirting goes, it was really pretty tame, and there is much racier stuff in some Disney movies and most sitcoms. I also thought it was set to be private, but it wasn't.

Regardless, it was a dumbshit thing to do. Parents expect their teachers to be saints, regardless of the fact that the kids don't relate to saints, regardless of how the parents themselves act. I knew this intellectually, though I hadn't internalized it.

I ain't no saint. Those that know me can attest to that, but I think those that know me would also say that I'm one of the good ones. Unfortunately, they couldn't be in the room to defend me when my principal had to tell me about some pretty serious implications made by some students and parents.

I won't go into any of the details. It's too frustrating and painful, and wouldn't do anyone any good, but think of all the movies you've seen where a student or underling decides to make life hell for someone else to draw attention away from their own shortcomings. That was my life last year. By the end of the year I overheard students say things like "If you don't like your grade, just go complain to [the house leader] and he'll make Mr. Gleason change it."

Let me tell you, it sucks. I spent most of the school year watching my back, wondering what else a student would exaggerate to get me in trouble, knowing that there were a handful of kids who were waiting for any misstep to use against me, knowing that not only was I not doing anything wrong, but that I was doing a whole lot of things right that people weren't seeing. Part of what makes me an effective teacher is that I'm myself around the kids and don't hide the fact that I'm a little rough around the edges sometimes.

I'm at peace with it now, more or less, but it made me awfully gun shy for a long time. It was as if I'd been forced into exile from my self, and I'm not half the teacher I can be when I feel like I have to be perfect, like I can't be myself. I could have done a lot more for some of those kids if I hadn't felt like I was always about to get in trouble for something. I still don't even like driving through that town, and feel like someone is going to report me for going 37 in a 35.

That feeling is starting to fade, and I'm starting to feel like I can trust kids again. I also feel like, with the sole exception of one high school I like working at, I don't want to teach in affluent suburbs anymore. The suburbs just don't make any sense to me. I don't understand the keeping-up-with-the-Joneses-and-keeping-kids-so-busy-that-they-don't-have-time-to-be-kids-and-whitewashing-everything-and-everyone-until-everything-seems-perfect-artificial-rat-race. I like it where the kids (and the adults) are sometimes a little rough around the edges. I like it where people know what it's like to not have everything you need, much less everything you want.

I'm a big fan of imperfection.