If I won't do it...

One thing that you should never do if you want to have any sort of balance in your life is to become a student teacher. Everything is off-kilter: whatever youthful idealism I have left, my philosophies as an educator, my sleep, my ideas for great lessons, my social life, my sleep, my relationship with dogs and family, my sleep... Any attempt I make at putting one of these back into balance winds up throwing all the others even further off balance. I've come to grips with this and decided that everything's just going to be out of whack for a while. The worst part is that I really miss personal relationships with people and feel incredibly guilty whenever I can't spend the time I'd like with friends, or God forbid, even go out on a date. It's a shame, too, because there are a few great friends out there whose company would be incredibly energizing right now, and there's even a girl out there who seems like she has the potential to be amazing. I just hope they all have patience with me.

And I feel guilty that I started this journal and have little time to add to it. I know of at least three people that have been reading it, and now that I know there's an audience I feel guilty that I haven't been filling them in with all the good stories. There's been so much on my mind since I last posted that I had trouble deciding where to start.

So I've decided not to start. At this point there's no value in going back through the last few weeks' experiences to catch up. Instead, I feel like it's time to write about something that's been on my mind for the last few years and that has become increasingly important since I started teaching this fall. There's one question that has motivated me (through both inspiration and guilt) to get through quite a few rough spots: If not me, who?

If I'm not willing to put forth the effort to work hard to help the troubled kids in school, who will? If I'm not willing to work hard to make my classes interesting enough for students to want to be there, who will? If I'm not willing to break up a fight, who will? If I'm not willing to stand up and say "we're not doing things very well and we need to change," who will? It sure as hell ain't a lot of the teachers I've seen.

I almost didn't write about this, if for the sole reason that I hope to substitute this journal for a paper and want to get credit without making the professor feel like I'm kissing up, but the synergy I felt when Bill Washburn asked this same question in our seminar a few weeks ago made me think that this is the time to write about it.

Nearly all the problems I've encountered (and I mean anywhere, not just in schools) seem to stem from apathy or laziness. Kids are getting lost in the system because adults are unwilling to do what it takes to make them succeed. I don't believe it's because they can't do it, I believe it's because it's hard. When I was working on a new seating chart with my new cooperating teacher, she mentioned that one of the boys wasn't doing very well and that he might benefit from being placed in a group that can help him. I asked if he had a learning disability or if she thought he just wasn't doing the work and she replied that he very well might have a learning disability, but he probably hasn't been tested. I'm new, so I don't know all the procedures involved, but I asked if it's possible for a teacher who suspects a learning disability to refer the student for evaluation The answer is yes. I thought that I posed the question in such a way that it should be obvious that maybe she should refer the kid for testing if possible, but the conversation hasn't gone anywhere. I asked the question twice, and her answer the second time made it apparent that she is not going to do anything. I just met her, so I'm not going to push it yet, but if I find real signs of a disability in this kid you can bet your ass that he's going to be evaluated before I leave the school in 6 weeks.

If I don't do it, who will?

Before I close this, I want to introduce you folks to Jayme Velez. Jayme's a friend going through her student teaching trials as well. I've read some of her lesson plans, and I honestly think that I'd learn more by observing her in action than I did from experienced teachers. If I had to assemble a task force of guerrilla educators to parachute in to a troubled school armed with whatever tools and weapons we need to fight the good fight she'd be on the A team. Whenever I feel like there are insurmountable obstacles, it's people like Jayme that make me believe that there are ways to get over them.